Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize