i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize