We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
