I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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