I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
