They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
