My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
