Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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