no, he came in my armpit
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Randomize
