hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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