Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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