I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I looked at my own cervix.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
