imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
