i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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