Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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