This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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