shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
