I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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