My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
