i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize