I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
