And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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