A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
