you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
