I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
