Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
