I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
