im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize