Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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