How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
