also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
