I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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