sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
