we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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