if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
