walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I just sharted jello shots
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
