I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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