he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
