I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize