Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
