it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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