Umm I'm too high to move.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
