Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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