dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
