It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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