Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The Olympian is in my bed
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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