a queef is a wish your heart makes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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