mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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