She is in my trunk
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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