toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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