Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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