angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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