i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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