I wish my penis had an off switch
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
