ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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