im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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