we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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