im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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