Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So squirting runs in the family.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
