So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize