Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize