I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
