call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
