I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
